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This is what you get for loss of control. - Be my hope, I'll be your hope.

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February 20th, 2007


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12:54 pm - This is what you get for loss of control.

I always thought pictures of myself were more appealing when they only displayed half of my face. Half of my history, the rest a mystery. I let him see the whole picture. Every freckle, every laugh line, every memory behind both of my eyes. He thought it was beautiful. He called it a work of art. Next time I think I'll just keep it all a mystery. My whole face is vulnerable. My whole face is my whole heart, my whole life. The half of my face that I'm used to showing, it can handle the let down. My whole face... it can't.


Maybe I just don't want to be known. Maybe I just don't want to be figured out. I can handle being understood. I'm not sure I can handle being figured out. What's left of me when all the tricks up my sleeve are exposed?


Current Music: Okay, I Believe You but my Tommy Gun Don't by Brand New

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:convents
Date:February 20th, 2007 08:19 pm (UTC)
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It's insane how much I relate to this.
[User Picture]
From:come5am
Date:February 20th, 2007 08:56 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you understand, but I hope both of us can get better then. I don't like not letting people in. Protecting yourself only goes so far, until you end up hurting yourself even more because you don't let yourself trust.
[User Picture]
From:_____monchou
Date:February 21st, 2007 07:36 am (UTC)
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Look at it as an advenutre. Even when you think someone's got you pretty well down, they've probably only got 60% of you. You - raw, real, exposed - it's a scary thing. I can't even look at my whole self most of the time, if at all ever. But dare someone to look at you right in the eye and understand exactly what you're about and then stick around because that's exactly what they need. It exists. Don't worry about getting hurt until it happens. You can get kicked in the shin, sucker-punched in the heart, and you might cry, and you'll bruise a bit, carry around a scar for a while...but the amazing thing is, you still survive, and it's not hopeless. There'll be someone someday that'll make all that getting busted up perfectly okay.

"It's like you're talking to someone about magenta, and she says, "Oh, purple, I know that game."
And you're like, "No bitch, I'm talking about magenta!" - John Mayer
[User Picture]
From:come5am
Date:February 21st, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
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a) I LOVE John Mayer. And it was the absolute perfect quote to incorporate here.

b) Thank you SO MUCH for this. It was exactly what I needed. It was very inspirational and I feel much better now. Now I realize that someone can make it better, I just have to let them. So, thank you again.
[User Picture]
From:_____monchou
Date:February 22nd, 2007 12:30 am (UTC)
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John Mayer is the love of my life, and you're welcome. :)

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